EarKilling Idol
by ChipsAhoyPup
Summary: My lame unoriginal idea for a spoof off of American Idol, using the Furuba characters! It's NOTHING like American Idol in a sense! Updated: Hatori Wants Grapes.
1. Haru's Pokerface

**Ear-Killing Idol**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the concept of American Idol OR Fruits Basket... Actually, I don't own them at all. ^-^**

**A/N Of course they're going to SUCK at singing. I mean, some of them are probably OKAY, but seriously? Yeah, suck. X3**

"Okay, I know I suck at coming up with ORIGINAL ideas! So yeah, I made EAR-KILLING IDOL, where the worst of the worst of Fruits Basket sing!" I shouted. The American Idol song played so out-of-tune and sort of high-pitched that everyone in the audience covered their ears.

"Bwahaha!" I laughed maniacly into the microphone. "Okay, first we bring out the judges! The first judge is, the one and only, best of the best, ME!" I shouted, pointing to myself. No one cheered. I stared at them all angrily. "Buzz-killers," I growled into the microphone, then continued, "Next up, Pandora! My job is to make sure that she gets the most torture out of the judges!" I introduced, as Pandora padded up to the judges desk, which had two cups of Sprite and a bowl of water. Pandora sat on the chair that had the bowl of water in front of it, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Eheh... next is my FAVORITE PERSON EVAR, THE PERSON WHO I HAS A CRUSH ON AND HAS CAUSED ME TO NEED TO GET A HOBBY, SHIGURE SOHMA!" Oh, so they applause THEN. Whatever. Shigure sat on the far end of the table (It had a Sprite in front of it, just so you know.) I sat in the middle of the judges table, with my very own microphone! (Shigure and Pan-pan had microphones too, but mine is the best because it was RED.)

"Ear-Killing Idol is sponsered by Sprite and bowls of water! Yaaay!" I shouted. A cricket chirped, and I had to brush it off of the table, because it was way too close to my Sprite.

"Well, who's first?" I waited impatiently, and then saw Haru come out. He was dressed like a cow. (This is mainly for my amusement; I made sure that Ayame gave them all costumes of their zodiac animals, including himself, just so that they can sing in them. It's more funny! ^-^ Yet totally unoriginal, riiight? X3)

So Haru muttered emotionlessly into the mic, "I'm going to sing Pokerface. I like milk." (I'd told them all that they needed to add a random sidenote after they say what they're going to sing. Once again, my amusement. Oh, and YOURS too!) "Oh, and also, this is dedicated to you, Rin."

So after his little "dedication note", Haru took a deep breath, then:

"Muh muh muh MOO  
Muh muh muh MOO

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas Plays  
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)  
Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start  
And after she's been hooked I'll play the one that's on her heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh  
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got  
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,  
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got

Can't read my,  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)  
Can't read my  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)  
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)

I wanna roll with her a hard pair we will be  
A little gambling is fun when you're with me (I love it)  
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun  
And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh  
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got  
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,  
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got

Can't read my,  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)  
Can't read my  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)  
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)

I won't tell you that I love you  
Kiss or hug you  
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin  
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning  
Just like a dude in the casino  
Take your bank before I pay you out  
I promise this, promise this  
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my,  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)  
Can't read my  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)

Can't read my,  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)  
Can't read my  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)

Can't read my,  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)  
Can't read my  
Can't read my  
No she can't read my poker face  
(He's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)  
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)  
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)  
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Muh muh muh MOO)"

I blinked, startled. "Uh..." Wow. He totally redid parts in the song, like changing "he" to "she" and "she" to "he." And saying "Muh muh muh MOO" isntead of "Mah mah mah maw." My favorite part had to be him changing "chick" to "dude."

"THAT SUCKED," Shouted Pandora. Everyone in the crowd started booing her, and before I could give my assesment, Rin ran up (dressed in a black horse costume), and smacked Haru in the face.

"YOU JERK," She shouted before leaving.

"Ooh, she's PMSing," I said, accidentally into my microphone. Everyone started to laugh. EVEN Haru.

"No, It's true. I would know," Said Haru after the laughing was over.

"TMI, cow, TMI," I yelped quickly into my microphone. "Anyways, onto a different subject! Um... that was okay. You could've had a bit more emotion, but other than that, you did good. What do you think, Shigure?" I asked, turning to the strangely silent dog zodiac.

"Yeah, it was good," Agreed Shigure, looking amused. "I like that song alot."

"Isn't that BIASED?" Pandora growled.

"No, it's an OPINION, smart-aleck," I replied to Pandora smugly, defending Shigure.

"...No, it's biased. But what can I say? I'm a biased person," Shigure said, looking happy.

"Okay, so it was biased! I'm biased too! Squeeeee!" I wanted to glomp Shigure, but we had a full audience, and so, no transforming. (Although we had Hatori the seahorse on hold in case we needed him to erase a thousand memories. Good thing this isn't video taped. It doesn't have enough sponsers to be video taped, therefore, no money, therefore, very small publicity.)

"Review!" I changed the subject happily. "Because if you don't, Pandora'll be forced to smack her head against the table a bunch of times until she has a headache slash is bleeding internally! And also, we'll never do another chapter again if you don't review!" I added.

"It's true. She won't," Put in Shigure.

Meanwhile, Pandora was hissing, "NO, DON'T REVIEW, PLEASE, THIS CAN'T CONTINUE! IT'S SO UNORIGINAL THAT I'M DYING! AT LEAST IF YOU REVIEW, FLAME IT! FLAAAME IT!"

Then everything went black because we were cutting to a commercial. (Wait... this isn't being video taped, how are we cutting to commercials? Oh well, that's just my lame excuse for saying that the chapter ended!)


	2. Yuki Won't Cry

**Ear-Killing Idol**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**Disclaimer: IF I OWNED ANYTHING, YOU'D KNOW BY NOW! I'M A CONCEPT-STEALER, OKAY, GOSH!**

**A/N Wow, this seems to be really popular... Everyone said it was funny even though I said I am not funny, ahaha... yeah. ^-^; So I guess we go on to the next chapter! Who shall sing next? I have no clue! =D**

"WHO IS NEXT? DAMMIT, DO I HAVE TO KEEP REPEATING THIS?!" I shouted into the microphone. But I sucked at holding a mic, and so it kinda made a high-pitched sound that caused everyone to flinch, including me. (...Wait, I already talked into the mic earlier... Oh well, I'm stupid! ^-^)

"I'll go next!" Ayame shouted happily.

"No. Definitley not. We're saving you for when everyone gets bored and needs to have the most Ear-Killing singer," I growled. Ayame looked defeated and sad. Not that I cared about his feelings. But I still hated to see people sad. One thing I learned from my present life: EXPRESSIONS MAKES EVERYONE HAPPY! "THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE! ...Er, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN SINK YOUR TEETH INTO! ...Wait, is that an expression? Oh, who cares, just go backstage again." I was getting annoyed with trying to do the expressions.

So Ayame sulked backstage.

"Okay, if someone doesn't come out in three seconds, I'm going to pick someone... 3! Okay, Yuki, come out, you're singing!" I shouted.

"What happened to 1 and 2?" Yuki asked.

"THEY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED WHILE WAITING IMPATIENTLY FOR YOUR SORRY TAIL!" I snapped. "NOW SING!"

Yuki tentativley went up to the microphone. He was dressed in a rat costume, of course. It actually looked cute. (THE COSTUME, NOT HIM! He's uggo...)

"Um... I'm going to sing Big Girls Don't Cry, but... I'm going to redo it kinda like Haru did to fit me, and... cheese tastes like chicken covered in cheddar," Yuki muttered quietly into the microphone.

He took a deep breath, but before he could start, I heard something in the back. "L-O-V-E, WE LOVE YUKI!" I turned and glared daggers at the Prince Yuki Fanclub. They didn't seem to notice.

"THIS IS JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE THEATER AT 17 AGAIN WHEN THOSE FANGIRLS IN THE BACKROW WERE SCREAMING, 'OMG, ZAAAC! U IZ TTLY HAWT! CAN I HAZ UR AUTOGRAAAAPH?!' EVEN THOUGH HE WASN'T FREAKING REAL! HE WAS ON A SCREEN!" After my "little" rant, the fangirls seemed to have quieted down. I sighed, relieved.

"Okay, go, Yuki," I muttered, slumping back into my chair, tired after my rant.

Yuki took a deep breath, and actually started singing this time:

"The smell of your skin lingers on me now  
You're probably on your flight back to your home town  
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby  
To be with myself and center  
Clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a rat misses their cheddar  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big boy now  
And big boys don't cry  
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone  
I must take the mousey steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown  
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?  
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a rat misses their cheddar  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big boy now  
And big boys don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard  
We'll play jacks and Uno cards  
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine  
Valentine

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to  
'Cause I want to hold yours too  
We'll be playmates and lovers  
And share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home  
It's getting late, dark outside  
I need to be with myself, and center  
Clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a rat misses their cheddar  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big boy now  
And big boys don't cry  
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry."

He finished his song, his face totally pink. Why must he be embarassed and depressed all the time?

"BOO, THAT SUCKED!" I shouted, cupping my hands around my mouth, even though he was an awesome singer. I already told you, I'm BIASED.

"Surprisingly, I liked it," Growled Pandora into her microphone, rolling her eyes. I was so angry at Pandora for taking Yuki's side that I grabbed her bowl of water and stuck it on her head. "HEY!" She spluttered, now a sopping wet cat.

"You deserved that! You're supposed to hate rats like Kyo," I huffed.

"I'm not doing ANYTHING that that angsty cat does," Hissed Pandora.

"I HEARD THAT!" Shouted Kyo from backstage.

"Oh, good, cat fight!" I shouted happily.

"I'm not fighting with a GIRL," Snorted Kyo from behind the stage.

"OH YEAH? YOU'RE A SEXIST, HUH?" Snapped Pandora, lunging behind the stage. I quickly censored the NON VIDEO TAPED show with a NON EXISTENT COMMERCIAL about Sprite.

When the violence ended, I took the NON EXISTANT COMMERCIAL off. "Okay, Shigure, we still haven't gotten your rating."

"Um... I agree with Pan-pan," Shigure said, nodding his head all smart-like.

"OKAY, I AGREE WITH SHIGGY! YOU GET 5 STARS, YUKI!" I shouted happily. Pandora, all mangled and bloody, came back from behind stage.

"HEY, HOW COME YOU ONLY AGREE WITH THE MUTT?" She snapped.

"You better not be calling him a mutt, Ms. Litterbox. Anyways, it's only because he's AWESOME!" I declared, sticking my tongue out at her.

"It's true, I'm awesome," Shigure gloated, looking prideful. But that's okay, because I allow him to be prideful all the time, because if I never get a life, I'll live alone with a dog named Shigure. Yes I will.

"ONCE AGAIN, REVIEW OR... OR... OR THIS STORY SHALL NEVER CONTINUE AGAIN!" I threatened.

"That's the best threat you have?" Pandora muttered.

"Yes it is. Definitley," I said, nodding my head. Pandora got really angry with me and jumped on me. Everything on the NON VIDEO TAPED show turned black so it could be "censored" out for the violence of her killing me.


	3. Ritsu Looks Like A Lady

**Ear-Killing Idol**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**Disclaimer: I SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH! ...I don't own Fruits Basket. ^-^**

**A/N XXXXSayuriXXXX requested me to do Ritsu, so I shall. (Meaning that if you request a person for me to do at any point, I'll try to get to them. ^-^)**

"I WON, I WON! ...What? ...It started? Oh. Well, then... um... welcome to EAR-KILLING IDOL!" I announced. The theme-song played again and everyone covered their ears. It hurts!

"Thank you, guys, for INTERRUPTING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF APPLES TO APPLES!" I yelled sarcastically. I had just won Intelligent when they had interrupted the game to start this stupid show that NO ONE cares about.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" The crowd shouted in unison.

"You all suck," I grumbled, turning back towards the table and headdesking. "Bring out the next contestant person thing," I muttered into the table.

"Uh, um... hi." I blinked and looked up to see the ever-so-timid Ritsu, in a monkey suit. Oh, great. "I... I'm going to be singing Dude Looks Like A Lady... and... I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"

Crap. 'I'm sorry' was his random side-note? He needs a life. As do I. "JUST START SINGING!" I snapped into my RED microphone.

"I'M SOOOORRRRYYYYYYYY!" Cried Ritsu, holding his head and running in circles. He repeated it OVER and OVER and OVER.

"STOP SAYING SORRY AND JUST SING!" I shouted. He finally regained his control. And started singing:

"(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Cruised into a bar on the shore  
Her picture graced the grime on the door  
She a long lost love at first bite  
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right  
That's right

(That, that)  
(That, that)

Backstage we're having the time  
Of our lives until somebody say  
Forgive me if I seem out of line  
Then she whipped out her gun  
And tried to blow me away

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

So never judge a book by it's cover  
Or who you're going to love by your lover  
Love put me wise to her love in disguise  
She had the body of a venus  
Lord imagine my surprise

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Baby let me follow you down  
Let me take a peek dear  
Baby let me follow you down  
Do me, do me, do me all night  
Baby let me follow you down  
Turn the other cheek dear  
Baby let me follow you down  
Do me, do me, do me, do me

Ooh what a funky lady  
She like it, like it, like it, like that,  
Ooh he was a lady

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady  
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady  
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady  
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady

(That that) ya ya ya yya ya yya ya chit chit yaow

(That, that)  
(That, that)"

I blinked. He hadn't changed the song AT ALL. "DO YOU HAVE ANY ORIGINALITY?" I snapped.

"I'M SORRY! I SHOULD'VE ADDED MY OWN WORDS, BUT I WAS AFRAID THAT AEROSMITH WOULD BE MAD AT ME, AND I'M SORRY! I REALLY AM, I SHOULD JUST DIE, EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPIER, I'M SORRY!!" Ritsu ranted.

"Yeah, you should die. Because you're giving me a HEADACHE!" I snapped, headdesking again.

"I'LL GO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW! SORRYYYYY!" With that, Ritsu ran outside. I heard the screech of a car and a THUMP.

"...I think he got hit by a car," I muttered.

"Yeah..." Shigure murmered.

"Aren't you gonna save him?" Pandora asked.

"Naw, he just made life alot easier by dying. I don't have a headache anymore!" I shouted happily.

"Want to go get icecream?" Shigure asked.

"HECK YEAH!" I cheered happily. And then me, Shigure, and Pandora went to get icecream, while our audience stared blankly after us. Ritsu's ghost floated up to the audience.

"REVIEW! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY, PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! SORRY!" Shouted Ritsu Ghost, before he vanished into thin air.


	4. Kyo's In Disturbia And So Is PanPan

**Ear-Killing Idol**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NUTHING BUT PAN-PAN AND MOI!**

**A/N Kyo, you say? Well, if it's Kyo you want, it's Kyo you shall get. ^-^**

"BRING IN THE KITTY!" I ordered.

"Who are you talking to?" Growled Pandora.

"My invisible bodyguards, Frank and Ketchup," I answered.

"..." Pandora stared at me as if I was crazy. SILLY LITTLE KITTY, I'M NOT CRAZY! I JUST NEED TO BE PUT IN AN ASYLUM IS ALL! ...And a strait-jacket... make that two.

"Okay, Frank and Ketchup, bring Kyo in! NOW, I SAY!" I waited. Suddenly Kyo came "floating" in. Everyone stared, confused.

"LEMMEE GO!" Snapped Kyo, kicking around as if something were forcefully carrying him. Then he fell forwards on his head.

Oh yeah, did I mention he was dressed in an orange cat costume? Because he is.

"Thanks, Frank and Ketchup. I'll pay you later," I called to them, waving. I don't know if they left or not, because they're invisible. "What are you singing, Kyo?"

"WHY AM I HERE?!" Snapped Kyo, instead of answering my question.

"Oh, pssh, because you are going to sing, that's why," I told him. "So SING."

"WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO?!" Kyo snarled.

"...Then I'll... squirt you with this WATER GUN!" I jumped onto the desk and pulled out my Magic Pencil, which I used to draw a water gun. Then I squirt him relentlessly with it.

"OKAY, OKAY! HOLD YOUR FIRE, I'LL SING," Hissed Kyo. I stopped squirting him with the water gun and got back into my seat again.

"Good kitty," I praised. He looked steamed. (Except for the fact that he was soaking wet, but what can I say?)

"I'm singing Disturbia... hmm, and... catnip makes me high," Kyo growled. He totally shouldn't have said that.

"OH REALLY? AWESOME!" I pulled out my Magic Pencil and drew a huge bag of catnip. I opened it up and threw it onto the stage. Kyo ate ALL of it. "Ohsnap, drunken kitty is going to sing!" I was so hype.

"Well, this'll be amusing," Commented Shigure, looking slightly excited.  
"INDEED!" I cried out happily.

"CAN I HAS SOME CATNIP?" Pandora yowled, jumping onto the stage.

"Nuuu, it's all gone! AHAHA, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY, SILLY KITTEH!" Taunted Kyo.

"No, no, Pan-pan needs some. I need her high too, so that this'll be more fun." With that being said, I drew another bag of catnip and opened it, throwing it at Pan-pan. She ate the whole bag, hissing at Kyo whenever he tried to have some. "SING NOW!"

"Ohoh, I'm singing toooooo!" Pandora added, bouncing up and down, eyes bugging out. "BECUZ MY FUTURE HUSBAND SHALL NOT SING WITHOUT MEH!"

"...Future husband?" I was trying not to laugh, so therefore, I was snickering.

"OHYUS! WE ALREADY HAD OUR HONEYMOOOOON!" When Pandora said this, me and Shigure burst out laughing.

"Okay, okay, say that again," I told Pandora, getting out a sound recorder and hitting the record button.

"WE ALREADY HAD OUR HONEYMOOOOOON!" Pandora repeated. I hit the stop button on the sound recorder.

"I am so using this against you after your hangover," I said, laughing. "Okay, you and your 'future husband' sing." I waited impatiently.

"OKAY!" Shouted Kyo. I blinked in confusion. I was talking to Pan-pan. But whatever. They started singing (out of tune and slurred and messing up words):

"Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

(Whats wrong with me?) Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

(Why do I feel like this?) Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

(I'm goin' crazy now) Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

No more nip, in the cat

(Can't even get started)

Nothing heard, nothing said

(Can't even speak about it)

All my liiiife on my head

(Don't wanna think about it)

Feeeeels liiike I'm going insaaaane, yeah

It's a thief in the niiiight to coooome and grab you

It can creeeeep up inside you and consume you

A disease of the mind it can control you

It's tooooo close for comfort

Put on your brake liiiiiights

You're in the city of wonder

Ain't gon' play nice

Watch out you might just go under

Better think twice

Your train of thought will be altered

So if you must falter be wise

Your minds in disturbia

It's liiiike the darkness is the liiiight

Disturbia

Am I scarin' you toooonight

Your minds in disturbia

Ain't used to what you like

Disturbia, disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Faaaaded pictures on the wall

(It's like they're talkin to me)

Disconnectin' all the caaaalls

(The phone don't even ring)

I gotta get out, oh

Figure this catnip out

It's toooooo close for comfort ooooohh

It's a thief in the niiiiight to cooooome and grab you

It can creeeeeep on inside you and consume you

A disease of the miiiiind it can control you

I feel liiiiike a monster oooooohh

Put on your brake liiiiights

You're in the city of wonder

Ain't gon' play nice

Watch out you might just go under

Better think twice

Your train of thought will be altered

So if you must falter be wise

Your minds in disturbia

It's liiiiike the darkness is the liiiiight

Disturbia

Am I scarin' you tonight

Your minds in disturbia

Ain't used to what you like

Disturbia, disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

(Disturbia) Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Release me from this curse I'm in

Tryin' to maintain but I'm struggling

If you can go

Think I'm gonna ahhhh

Put on your brake liiiiiights

You're in the city of wonder

Ain't gon' play nice

Watch out you might just go under

Better think twice

Your train of thought will be altered

So if you must falter be wise

Your minds in disturbia

It's liiiiiike the darkness is the liiiiiight

Disturbia

Am I scarin' you tonight

Your minds in disturbia

Ain't used to what you like

Disturbia, disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

(Disturbia) Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum"

They finished the song and collapsed backwards.

"Okaaaay... you guys get 10 stars!" I shouted.

"This isn't Pet Star," Shigure reminded me, looking confused.

"Oh. Oh yeah. Well now we can give them up to 10 stars." Because now they get to beat what Yuki had gotten.

"Um... okay. I give them 10 stars too," Shigure agreed. SQUEEE, HE AGREED WITH ME!

"And if Pandora were still awake, she'd give 10 stars to them too. So that's 30 stars, woohoo!" I cheered. Everyone in the audience (although they were confused), cheered as well.

"That's it for this time," I said to the NON VIDEO TAPED show.

"Reeeevieeeew," Slurred Pandora.


	5. Hatori Wants Grapes

**Ear-Killing Idol**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**A/N Rawrg… you people are so needy. xD Just kidding. Your reviews make hearts swirl above my head! 8D**

**Disclaimer: HRMM… I own me and Pan-pan, but 'tis all.**

"I FINALLY UPDATED!" I announced to the crowd.

You could hear a pin drop from the silence.

Seriously. I dropped a pin right then on purpose just to test it out. I could hear it.

"Damn you all," I grumbled, slouching back in my seat.

The catnip had worn off on Kyo and Pandora already. Kyo had threatened me about how he could kill me or sue me for that or something…

I don't CARE.

So Kyo was now on the roof of this building, sulking as he usually does.

Pandora was hiding under the desk, half embarrassed and half enraged. I don't care if she claws my legs off!

…Okay, I do. I wouldn't be able to walk then. That would suck.

What I meant was… I don't care how angry she is… she should get over it.

"Up next is Hatori," I continued, though more bored than ever now. "But since his song he requested had to do with suicide, I picked the song for him."

Hatori came out… wearing a seahorse suit. I didn't let him wear a dragon suit when it didn't match his zodiac form, dammit! That doesn't MATCH!

He looked so depressed and emo that I wanted to laugh. Of course I didn't! I'm not that mean!

"What song do I have to sing?" He sighed.

"THE DUCK SONG!" I shouted happily.

"The what?" Hatori looked half furious, half confused.

I handed him the lyrics. He stared at it in confusion. "Hit it, DJ!" I shouted. The random DJ (Okay, he's not random. He's my brother, Eli. He wanted to do it.) played the music to the duck song.

"Oh, and sing it while using seahorse instead of duck," I demanded. Hatori looked more mad, but whatev. He started singing.

"A seahorse walked up to a lemonade stand  
and he said to the man running the stand,  
'Hey. Got any grapes?'

The man said, 'No, we just sell lemonade. It's cold and its fresh and it's all home made. Can I sell you glass?' The seahorse said 'I'll pass.'  
Then he waddled away. Till the very next day.

When the seahorse walked up to the lemonade stand  
And he said to the man that was running the stand,  
'Hey. You got any grapes?'

The man said, 'No, like I said yesterday, we just sell lemonade, okay?  
Why not give it a try?' The seahorse said, 'Goodbye.'  
Then he waddled away. He waddled away. He waddled away  
Till the very next day.

When the seahorse walked up to the lemonade stand  
And he said to the man that was running the stand,  
'Hey. You got any grapes?'

The man said, 'Look, this is getting old. Lemonade's all we've ever sold. Why not give it a go?'

The seahorse said, 'No.'  
Then he waddled away. He waddled away. He waddled away  
Till the very next day.

When the seahorse walked up to the lemonade stand  
And he said to the man that was running the stand,  
'Hey. You got any grapes?'

The man said, 'THAT'S IT!! If you don't stay away, seahorse, I'll glue you to a tree and leave you there all day, stuck.  
So don't get too close!'

The duck said, 'Adios.'  
Then he waddled away. He waddled away. He waddled away  
Till the very next day.

When the seahorse walked up to the lemonade stand  
And he said to the man that was running the stand,  
'Hey. You got any glue?'

'What?'

'You got any glue?'  
'No, why would I– Oh!'

'Then one more question for you:  
Got any grapes?'

And the man just stopped. Then he started to smile. Then he started to laugh. He laughed for a while.  
Then he said, 'Come on, seahorse, let's walk to the store. I'll buy you some grapes so you won't have to ask anymore.'

So they walked to the store and the man bought some grapes. He offered one to the seahorse and the seahorse said, 'No thanks.'

'But you know what sounds good? It would make my day.  
Do you think this store, do you think this store, do you think this store… has any… lemonade?'

Then he waddled away. He waddled away. He waddled away."

Hatori finished and glared at me.

"Seahorses don't waddle," Shouted a guy from the crowd.

"Well now they do!" I replied happily.

"I GIVE THAT A 9, TORI-SAN~" Declared Shigure.

"I agree, that deserves a 9."

"I think that sucked and should get 0," Pandora spoke up from under the table.

"Shut up, Pan-pan. You and your negativity makes everyone hate you," I growled. Hatori had already went behind stage agin.

Pandora hissed at me. I blinked, then looked at the crowd again.

"TILL NEXT TIME!" I shouted to them.

"I WANT GRAPES," Shigure put in. I turned to Pan-pan.

"GET ME AND SHIGURE SOME GRAPES," I ordered. Pan-pan padded off to get the grapes. As she left, I sang after her, "And she waddled away~"


End file.
